The Ring

After I had accepted my beloved's proposal and he placed the ring on the third finger of my left hand, I sat and admired the fiery sparkliness of the 1/4 carat diamond. It was a round brilliant cut, nearly flawless, and perfectly lovely. We had decided to pair it with a matching simple gold wedding band we picked out at the jeweler's. However, a few months later my maternal Grandmother died, and as we were sorting through her belongings I found a simple, plain gold band in a tiny box inside of a drawer. It was 14k gold and I learned it was the second wedding ring my Grandma had owned. Her first ring wore through the band, she wore the second ring for many years, until her children bought Grandma and Grandpa a new wedding ring set in honor of their sixtieth wedding anniversary. So I approached my Uncle Mac, the patriarch of the family, and asked him if I could have Grandma's ring. I told him it was just like the one we were going to buy, but it would mean a great deal to me to have her ring soldered to my engagement ring. With an affectionate smile, he gave me Grandma's ring. Oh, how precious it was for me to have a little piece of family history on my hand. I cherish that ring to this day.

Kyle had initially wanted a fancier ring for me, one with rubies or other gems to compliment the larger center stone. But that was not really my style. I like classic things, simple and plain, nothing too showy. (Except for my wedding dress. There was not an inch on my dress that did not have beadwork or sequins or lace - the trademark of an 80's bride.)

So we decided to pair my lovely solitaire diamond engagement ring with the ring I'd inherited from my Grandmother. Later on, we decided we would add another ring to the other side of the wedding band. Maybe something with gemstones, we'd have to see. We'd planned to do something like that for our tenth anniversary, but quite frankly, we were broke and unable to afford gemstones and gold at the time. I was happy with my wedding ring, I didn't need anything fancy to make me feel more "married". But when we'd been married twelve years, we found another plain gold band with twelve channel-set diamonds that perfectly complimented the plain gold band on the opposite side. So, he bought it for me. It gave an added sparkle to my ring, and compliments the center diamond beautifully.

Now that we have been married almost 20 years we are thinking of changing the ring a bit again. I'll never alter the original setting, or remove Grandma's band - but if we take off the band with the 12 small channel-set diamonds and replace it with a wrap that has sapphires (Kyle's birthstone) and/or diamonds, that would dress up the ring and really show off the center stone. I need to get my ring repaired anyway. It needs new prongs for the center diamond, and one of the smaller diamonds in the channel-set band has a crack in it. No idea how that happened.

And I need to get it resized. It's getting too big after having lost over 80 pounds this past year. Woohoo!!

Anyway it's not the ring that is important - but what it symbolizes. And through thick and thin, bad and good, sweet and sour, we have stuck together like glue. We've weathered many storms together, and trials with our children and families and friends. Sometimes it has been a roller-coaster ride, but always I have had my steady rock. Kyle never wavers - he takes things as they come and he moves forward. I can depend on him. And he has challenged me to work a little harder, to grow a little stronger, to do a little more than I thought I was capable of. He doesn't like frilly, goofy, senseless, useless girls. He has much more appreciation for a woman who can cook a good meal, take care of a screaming baby, fold a load of laundry and give him a massage - ALL AT THE SAME TIME. I'm not the prettiest, or the smartest, I don't have many talents - but he thanks me for giving him five beautiful children. He is appreciative of clean sheets when he climbs into bed after a hard day's work. He gives a particularily thankful nod when I bake a great loaf of bread, or clean the garage, or buy his favorite tea. If I was a shopoholic who was addicted to manicures and regularily changing my hairstyle, he probably would not complain, but he wouldn't be pleased. He never lavishes praise on me - but I know when he notices a job well done. And I love when he notices. It makes me want to do even more for him. He is not the most romantic guy, once he gave me a set of pots and pans for Christmas. But I loved them. Sometimes he forgets birthdays or anniversaries. Sometimes he remembers but still doesn't do anything special. One of my favorite anniversaries was our tenth. After ten years you should probably do something really special, right? Nah. We took the kids to Fargo to the zoo. And had a blast!! Then stayed at a motel and went swimming. It was a great anniversary. One other time, I think it was our fifteen-year anniversary, we hadn't planned anything and he was feeling pretty bad about that. So I went to the store, got some good fruit and cheese and crackers and chocolate - and a bottle of sparkling grape juice. I set up a little tray and lit candles and got out my best crystal goblets - and we sat on our bed and feasted and talked and talked and talked. It was a very memorable anniversary for me. He would have liked to have gone to the Bahamas or Hawaii, or hey, even Medora or something. I was content at home, talking and spending time together, splurging on some goodies to share. What else could we do, with a nursing baby and four more kids at home?

I am blessed beyond what I deserve with a man who has continued to surge ahead alongside me, always thinking of the kids (today he brought home these tiny cans of juices the airlines give away - he knew the kids would enjoy them) and he prefers to be home with us than anywhere else. He could be a sports junkie or hunting fanatic or, God forbid, gambler or drinker. His idea of a good time is a boatload of hot, buttered salty popcorn, an iced tea, and all five kids snuggled up with him in the tv room, watching a movie together. Thank you, God. Oh, how I love the man you gave to me.

To Be Continued...

The Proposal

He proposed to me in the parking lot of the Bonanza restaurant in Grand Forks, ND, on New Year's Eve in 1988. It wasn't a surprise - we'd picked out the ring together months before and he'd been making payments on it. When we went to Munn's Jewelry in Crookston, Minnesota and looked at all the diamonds through the glass, he spotted a gorgeous setting that he really liked, a large, round center diamond surrounded by smaller diamonds and rubies. It was terribly expensive though, and honestly not my style. It was more than I wanted or needed. Instead, I desired something simple, a round solitaire diamond with a simple gold band, and another plain gold band for the wedding ring. "Okay" he said, "But only if you are sure. You'll be wearing it the rest of your life." Sigh. Oh how I loved those words, "the rest of your life". I wanted to spend my life with this man, to grow old with him.

As we were sitting in my car the night of The Proposal, he asked me to turn and look at the huge pile of snow in the parking lot. "When I was a kid, my Dad would bring all of us boys here to eat, and while he would sit and have coffee after the meal, we'd always play on the snow pile." I turned to look at the snow, it was a huge pile made by the snow plow that cleared the parking lots around the restaurant and ajoining mall. There was a lot of snow that year - so much snow that later on that winter we got into an accident because the piles at the intersection were too high to see around. Anyway, when I turned back around from looking at the snow and imagining five little boys playing there, he had the ring in his hand. "Will you marry me?" he asked? I got really teary-eyed, blubbered out my "YES!" and he tried to put the ring on my right hand. I pulled it away. He tried again. I discretely tried to give him my left hand. He tried the right hand again and with concern said, "Don't you want the ring?" And I started to laugh. A nervous, goofy laugh, as the tears rolled down my cheeks. "Yes, I want the ring very much, but that's the wrong hand!!" And so we laughed together. Thus began our journey towards married life that had started a little more than two years earlier, when we'd met on September 4th, 1986, at the University of North Dakota. This summer we will celebrate our 20th Anniversary.

To Be Continued...

Blog Slog

I love reading other people's blogs. And I love to write. Often, though, I don't know what to write about. Hence the title of this blog - because lately it's as though my mind is stuck in mud.

I thought I'd at least update you on our latest news. We are surviving this very cold winter, with lots and lots of snow. There have been days we have been stormed in, and days when it has been dangerously cold - too cold to venture out. In between those days the kids have been getting in lots of skating and some sledding.

Kyle's niece, Cherith, has been improving. Thank you to everyone who has been praying. This situation has weighed heavily on our hearts, but knowing we have friends and family who are spending time in prayer has made the burden lighter. You can read about Cherith's condition at www.caringbridge.org/visit/cherithgrove If the link doesn't work, cut and paste it into your browser.

Today I have a dentist appointment. I hate, repeat hate, going to the dentist. I don't like the sounds, the smells, and the pain. I've often said I'd rather have a baby, alone in the woods without any help, than go to the dentist. If they gave me a choice, such as, "Root Canal...or....the RACK" I'd say, "I'd like the rack,please." Or perhaps, "Cleaning and X-Rays...or....Waterboarding?" I'd say, of course, "Waterboarding". Hands down. Give me the torture, thank you very much.

I've cried in the dentist's chair before. Cried like a little girl. I can't remember why I cried, the trauma of it all has erased my memory of the event. My hazy memory recalls something about a root canal and searing, white-hot pain. But I DO remember thinking, "If the assistant that I know walks by right now I'm going to take Mr. Slurpy and stick it in my ear and suck my brains out." Because I would have died from embarrassment if he (the assistant, not Mr. Slurpy) had seen me crying. Having your mouth open for long periods of time, and drool and spit and the knowledge that they can see up your nostrils is bad enough. Crying in the dentist chair and having someone see my little meltdown would have sent me over the edge. I dangle precariously close to the edge on a regular basis, and it's not because I like the exhilaration!

So, soon I will be off to flirt with the edge again. I just have a cleaning and exam today but I'm bracing myself for bad news. Because, as much as I wish to deny it, I'm concerned about the left side of my face, where I have been having swelling in my jaw. (Actually I get concerned about my whole face, but that is just when looking in the mirror. :) It started out as a virus a couple weeks before Christmas, and my lymph glands have been swollen. But the swelling has continued in my jaw and it causes discomfort. If I have an abcess I think I might just cry in the chair again! There's something to be said for dentures, let me tell you!!

I'll update you on my Adventures with the Dentist once I get out of the psych ward. K? ;)

Cherith Janelle Grove

Our niece, Cherith Janelle (age 14) was hospitalized with pneumonia at Meritcare in Fargo the day after Christmas. Her condition rapidly declined, and she was taken by Life-Flight to Children's Hospital in Minneapolis on Sunday afternoon. Currently she has a pretty dire prognosis. Right now the doctors are checking for possible cancer, damage to her spleen and possible brain damage. It has been an emotional rollercoaster of good news and bad news. Cherith is the daughter of Kyle's oldest brother, their fifth child in a family of seven. She has proven to be incredibly resilient, which has given all of us a great deal of hope. Please pray for her and her family. You can read more about her story at http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/cherithgrove